I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
