I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize