onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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