Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize