They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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