I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
