good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
