I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
