The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
