its not stalking. its research.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
