I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
