her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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