I puked a lego.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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