ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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