And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
