My room smells like vodka and shame
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
