Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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