My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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