I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm really busy with my period
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