I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize