when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
