Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Randomize
