I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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