I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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