I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
