sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize