They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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