Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he told me I talked like a deaf person
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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