Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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