More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
