Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize