He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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