I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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