some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize