If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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