think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
