she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
