You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dick very happy bro
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
