His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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