So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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