There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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