i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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