The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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