omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize