There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
