You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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