is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
