I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
