i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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