Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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