how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize