when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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