sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
