He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
