I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
