I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize