The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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