I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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