Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
