So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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