There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
