Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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