so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
