the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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