On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
People in love make me want to vomit
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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