when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have demons in me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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