It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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