I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
