and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
