Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
