I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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