You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
