Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
