what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
