she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
