So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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