Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
