Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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