wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What a dumb baby whore.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Randomize
