dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
