just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
