Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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