is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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