I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
