so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
