His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
