Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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